


SPN 12x21 Coda

by quiescentcas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x21 spoilers, Coda, Crack, Episode: s12e21 There's Something About Mary, Fix-It, Gen, Nobody Dies, except Ketch but F/// him amirite, there's something about mary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-31 02:07:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10889436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiescentcas/pseuds/quiescentcas
Summary: fix it crackfic in which, in the spirit of bucklemming, i fuck with canon and make shit up so that the story works instead of, idk, writing better.





	SPN 12x21 Coda

**Author's Note:**

> my original tumblr post here: http://quiescentcastiel.tumblr.com/post/160587209193/12x21-coda

Red stained Dean’s sight, though not just from the glaring emergency lights. Anger flooded his entire being. He roared, pounding the door.

“KETCH!”

But the only answer he got was the heavy whirring of the fans as they slowly began to suck the life out of the Winchester’s home. He stopped banging and turned to face Sam.

“What do we do?” 

“This bunker is as protective of that coming in from the outside as it is of keeping in what it holds,” said Toni taking a seat at the war room table. “So, impolitely put, we’re well and truly buggered.” 

“Wasn’t asking you,” Dean snapped.

“I’ll go see if there’s any way to reverse what Ketch did, or get out,” said Sam. He took off running in the direction of the control room.

“You won’t find anything,” called Toni. “I doubt you boys have even a fraction of the knowledge about the bunker as we do.”

Dean had an idea. “Maybe we don’t need to.”

He took of down the stairs, following his brother, leaving Toni to sit and twiddle her thumbs. On another day he might’ve been worried about what she would get up to in his absence, but at this point he didn’t really care anymore.

Dean found Sam hunched over a large table full of lights and knobs and probably other important stuff.

“Finding anything?” Dean asked.

“Maybe, but it might take a while for me to make it work.”

“Doesn’t matter, I’ve got a quicker way,” said Dean. When Sam looked up to give him an inquisitive stare, Dean continued, “Can we still get into the garage?”

“Uh… Sure?”

“Well it’s a good thing we totally parked there instead of our usual spot outside, right?”

“Yeah,” Sam answered tentatively. “Wait, didn’t we come in through the front door though?”

“Meh. Details,” Dean dismissed. “I’m sure nobody cares about those. Anyways, I have an idea!”

Dean heard Sam groan at his sudden suspicious excitement, but he didn’t care, as he was already dashing out of the room and to the Impala that was conveniently parked in the garage. As he got there, he was in such a hurry that he didn’t even spend one second cooing to the car as he rushed to her trunk and pulled out the second most important item in all of creation:

The grenade launcher.

He speed walked back to the war room, picking up Sam as he went. The moment Sam saw what was cradled in his brother’s arms, he started objecting.

“Dean? Please tell me your not planning to do with that what I think you are.”

“I’m planning to do with this exactly what you think I am, Sam. Don’t even bother trying to argue.”

“This is your fault for not having let me use the grenade launcher yet.”

“Dean…”

“I keep looking at it but keep getting shut down, so now’s the time. I’m gonna blow the door down and get us out of here!”

They stopped by the tables in the library and looked up the stairs at the door. Just like Dean expected, Toni was still sitting at the glow table. She turned to watch them as came in, and her eyes widened a little as she caught sight of the grenade launcher.

“What the bloody hell are you idiots doing?”

“Getting the fuck out of here,” said Dean. “You might want to move.”

Toni rolled her eyes and stayed put. Dean thought he heard her mutter something about cool people not being fazed by explosions, but he didn’t care.

“Do you think it’ll work?” Sam asked. “I’m sure at some point we’ve established how incredibly strong those doors are and how impossible it is to get through them.” 

Dean considered for a moment. “I mean, we’re not Sherlock Holmes on a show called Sherlock or Hannibal Lecter on a show called Hannibal, but I think we’ve been revived enough times that someone out there desperately wants to keep us twirling around on this torture porn themed knife throwing wheel, so I figure there has to be some at least _kinda_ convincing way out of the bunker. Besides, whoever it is, they’ll want to get a solid ten seasons out of us.” 

Sam frowned, unconvinced. “Y'know Dean, I think we’ve been around longer than that.” 

“I said ten _solid_ seasons, Sam; we’re skipping six and seven.” 

“That still means we could permanently die soon.” 

“Well… we can skip ten too.” 

“Fine. Lets just get this over with.” 

Dean hefted the grenade launcher up on his shoulder. Sam loaded the weapon. 

“Hey, you should stand back, or at least get some ear protection or something.” 

“Nah, don’t need it; I’m Sam Fucking Winchester.” 

“Touché. Fire in the hole!”

The grenade flew from the launcher in an arc worthy of Euclid himself. As it streaked through the air, everything began to slow, as if firing weaponry that was too cool for school had to put a momentary hold on the space-time continuum so that it’s contradictory nature of both being too cool and needing a large amount of heat to function wouldn’t cause the universe to implode.

Even the explosion was in slow-mo. Huge bubbles of orange, yellow, and blue billowed outward from the door, and throughout which large chunks of shrapnel danced. A wave of heat hit Sam and Dean, and they dove behind one of the bookshelves for protection.

For a few seconds after the blast, there was no noise other than the crackling of fire and the last few _thunks_ as debris hit the ground.

Sam and Dean edged around their bookshelf to get a good look at the damage. Where the door had once been, there was now a gaping hole.

“We did it!” Sam yelled.

“Told you so!” said Dean. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

As they walked out into war room, they saw that Toni still sat at the table. Her neat hair was ridiculously out of place, her eyebrows were completely gone, and she was covered from head to toe in large streaks of soot, but she was alive.

“Wow, you survived that blast? Hey look Sammy, maybe some of the women in our lives can survive for more than a few months.”

“I’m going to get so many awesome points from those losers at Kendricks,” she said, mostly to herself. “Nobody is even slightly on my level.”

Dean and Sam jogged up the stairs and out of the bunker. However, as the fresh, open air washed over them, the boys got a huge surprise. Ketch’s car was still parked in front of the bunker, and lying inert over the bonnet, was Ketch himself, two knives in his back. 

Even better, standing in front of his car like two badasses, were Eileen and Charlie. 

“How… How?” was all either Dean or Sam could say.

“‘Sup, Bitches,” said Charlie.

“You guys are alive??? Where were you?”

“We’ve both been in Ireland this whole time!”

“Wait what?”

“Yeah,” Charlie said. “When I died, my body stayed on Earth out of spite, and one day a huge supernatural gale wind blew my ghostly form all the way to Ireland. I couldn’t get back home, but after wandering in the woods for a time, I met Hozier who used some awesome magical powers to bring me back to life.”

“When I went to Ireland,” continued Eileen, “we ran into each other just by chance! Luck of the Irish, I guess.”

“We decided to come back here and help you two goons out!”

“Wow, thank you!” said Sam.

“Yeah, you killed Ketch!” said Dean.

“Yep! Oh, also, is that your mother we have in the car?” asked Charlie

“Yeah, mom, is she okay?”

“Well, she was fighting us at first, but once we killed Ketch she just became really confused,” said Eileen. “I knocked her out and handcuffed her inside the car.”

“Thank you for not killing her,” said Sam

“Definitely,” agreed Dean. “If you had, one of us might’ve had to do something stupid like sell our soul to get her back.”

“Yes, I have to thank you also,” said a neat British voice from behind them. Toni was looking gleefully at Ketch’s dead body.

Eileen immediately raised her gun, but Dean put his hand out to stop her.

“Aw, Dean, sentimental?” Toni tormented.

“No,” replied Dean. “I just know how we’re going to take down the BMoL and send them packing: With you as bait.”

The smile quickly dropped from Toni’s face.


End file.
